You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
