she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
