I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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