Where did you get a picture of my penis
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
