so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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