I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
