Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
