dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
