Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just cropdusted the office
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
