Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
