you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
