I puked a lego.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
