Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
