I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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