i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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