After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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