my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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