im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
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Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
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I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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