Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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