The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
