i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
