sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
