this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
