Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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