Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
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I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
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This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though