I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
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during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
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were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.