A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover