I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
