i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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