how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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