you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
