Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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