GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
