Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
