M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I FOUND THE LEGS
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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