If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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