he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
