Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
