He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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