i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
