and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
