dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
