My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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