he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
