the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
