Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
