he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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