i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
