your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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