The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
