Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
