you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
