I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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