I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
