I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize