Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
