I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
