My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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