i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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