pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
