apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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